What Should I Know As A Young Hockey Parent

Whether your kid is just starting out in youth hockey or already eyeing their college path, this episode is a must-listen. Lee, Christie, and Mike dive into the big questions every hockey parent faces—when should we start thinking about the future, how much should school and social life weigh in, and what really matters in the long run?

From navigating early travel tournaments to the intense pressure of high school and junior hockey, the trio reflects on what they wish they knew when their kids were 8, 9, and 10 years old. They also unpack the rising expectations in the sport, the realities of burnout, and why supporting your child as a person—not just an athlete—is the key to lasting success.

Oh, and yes—Christie even shares a legendary story of calling in “sick” to work for a tournament… and getting caught at Wayne Gretzky’s restaurant. 🤦‍♀️

🎧 Listen in for honest stories, practical advice, and plenty of laughs from the hockey trenches.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This episode is for every parent wondering how to balance ambition, reality, and the joy of the game.

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Transcript

Lee MJ Elias [0:08 - 2:08]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome back to another edition of our Kids Play Hockey. Still, they always play hockey. It never ends. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was jumping on the show today, and Mike and Christy were already here, and they were having this conversation about Mike's kids looking at colleges, and Christy was talking about when her kids went to college. And I'm not gonna lie to you, it scared the hell out of me, because my kids are 8 and 10. And the first thought that went through my head is, I am not ready for this conversation. I'm not ready to think about this. I'm not ready to do this. And then I kind of did the math, and again, I'm Sorry, my son's 11 now. I messed that up. It's 8 and 11. That's not that far off when you really think about it. I mean, if. If we're talking about going to college at 18, and Mike will get into this, too, because if you want to play hockey in college, you're not going to college at 18. You know, we're really seven and 10 years away. When, you know, I'm entering a point in my life, you guys will laugh at this. But 10 years doesn't seem that long anymore. It doesn't seem like a lot of time. It just seems like it's kind of right around the corner. So the question popped in my mind, and this is what the episode's going to be about today for Christy and Mike to discuss, really, with me. Right? And all of you listening, obviously, two things. One is, when you look at the. The end of the youth hockey journey, just kind of the end of the youth road, what would you maybe have done differently when the kids were 8, 9, 10, 11 years old? And then what advice do you have for parents in my situation? Because that really is not that far. And when you're in, you know, might squirt peewee hockey, you know, you're in that world and, like, right around the corner is college and. And. And other types of hockey or not hockey, right? There's a lot of different. Different pathways here. None of them are correct. None of them are wrong. Right? So, guys, I'm just going to throw it back to you. I'm here. I'm here with my hands up. Please, sir, please, ma'am, spend your knowledge on me. Let me know what to do. What should I be thinking about? What should the other parents my age be thinking about, aside from the fact that we do actually have time? But what should we. 

Christie Casciano [2:08 - 2:53]: You don't have time. It comes up so fast. It'll be here before you know it. I can't believe when I look back, how quickly the years. We hear that all the time, but it is so true. Especially when your kids are into sports. It just flies. So, yeah, you got to, yes, you have to enjoy the moment. We always say this, live in the present. Don't worry so much about what's down the road. But you got to think about it because as Mike is going through it now, before you know it, your kids have to make some pretty important decisions about what direction they need to go in. A lot easier for girls if they want to play hockey in college than it is for boys. As Mike and I were just talking, talking about, it's pretty messed up for boys. It really is. Jump in, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [2:53 - 4:34]: Yeah, I think it's. No, it's actually very. Yeah, well, Chrissy's right. I mean, for years and years and years, like when you're a non parent, when you're just like a hockey director or hockey coach and you talk about the whole process of youth hockey and it's like, oh, and every parent you talk to when they're 18 and 19, you know, their 19, you know, year old son or daughter, like, Mike, it's gonna go quick. Okay? Yeah, yeah, it's gonna go quick. It's, it's gonna be really fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get, you know, I'm sure it's quick. I'm sure you're, and I'm literally, you know, it's like this time of year and you know, I think I talked about this a little bit is, you know, just even getting senior portraits together and you know, putting together slideshows of a high school career or, you know, and it, it, it literally feels like it was yesterday where you put your kids on, on the ice and you got obsessed with, you know, a sport, good or bad and you know, maybe you like me, you're all in like, you know, your, your life was revolving around hockey. You know, I have, I have kids that are six years apart. So like, for me there's a little bit of a cushion in there because I, I, I get to now just kind of reset a little bit, you know, and go through the process again, I guess. But, you know, the question of know, what would you do? You know, how would you prepare for that? How would you look at that later on? I mean, that's one of the, one of the things I think the most is the ability to look at this and understand how fast it really goes and that individual weekends don't matter, individual seasons really don't matter as far as like where the development process is. But it does matter about, you know, did you waste it or did you make the best of it? 

Christie Casciano [4:35 - 4:35]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:35 - 4:35]: Well, yeah. 

Christie Casciano [4:35 - 4:40]: And is your family happy? Is it working for you guys? You know, that's really important. 

Mike Bonelli [4:40 - 5:16]: Well, and again, we could get into this, right. But I think a lot for a lot of us in the hockey world, we're, we're, they're not helping our families manage as well. Like even, even the most, even people that want to have the best intentions of what the sport should look like, we're doing everything opposite to what that should be. So we all, again, like, I, I get, you know, if I'm reflecting back, yeah, you know me, I wish I would have fought more for sanity and normalcy than I did. And I felt I, I felt I, I fought a lot, like to the extent where it alienated me from a lot of people. 

Lee MJ Elias [5:17 - 5:52]: Let me dive in because we're alluding a little bit and I want to make sure we're specific for the audience so they know exactly what we're talking about. So just, just going back to the beginning real quick to kind of paint the picture for boys, the pathway to high level college hockey is no longer you graduate high school and go to college and any level of college. That's not unfair. Right. It used to be like that you could graduate 12th grade and you're in college and you're playing hockey. I'm not sure how many of how much of the audience knows that that is not the way it is anymore. Typically kids go to play two years of junior hockey, so they're usually 20, 21 years old when they're a freshman. 

Christie Casciano [5:52 - 5:52]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [5:52 - 6:26]: To college. That, that is becoming, it's not even becoming. That is now the path for boys to college hockey. It's, I don't want to say wildly accepted, but I see, I see a lot of like, nods out there from high school parents of like, if they're serious, that's what they have to do. Right. Fifth year senior. Right. The girls path is, is not exactly the same, but yeah, you have to probably get to a high level prep school or be playing for a tier one organization. You can join a team at 18, 19 years old in women's hockey. Still that, but that, that might be on the pathway to changing too. 

Mike Bonelli [6:27 - 6:29]: It's definitely changed. There's no doubt about it. 

Christie Casciano [6:29 - 6:51]: What's great about it too is because many colleges are now opening the door to women's hockey. And like in the case of Syracuse University, you know, they, they had to open up a girls team because they needed to do that for the. Is it Title 9. So they had to do the equivalent. And that also opened the door for a women' club team. 

Lee MJ Elias [6:52 - 6:52]: Right? 

Christie Casciano [6:52 - 6:54]: We just won the national championship. 

Lee MJ Elias [6:54 - 6:55]: Yes, they did. 

Christie Casciano [6:55 - 7:24]: Syracuse University women's club team won the national championship. So lots of great opportunities for women. And I talked to some of the girls on the club team and a lot of them had played Division 1 hockey at some point or D3. They switched over to SU and a club team because it got to be too much, right? It, it, because you also have to remember it's like a full time job when you're playing hockey might be worse. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:24 - 7:28]: Than a full time job. I'm not gonna work if you're a dog. 

Mike Bonelli [7:28 - 7:36]: If your daughter right now is 8 or 9 years old when they are, when they're in high school. Yeah, you will have to play junior hockey. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:36 - 7:50]: Mike, I was just, I was just gonna say too, like, like if we're looking 10 years down the road, probably you look at what the PWHL is doing right now, right, that, that is going to be one of the fastest growing segments of, of collegiate sports is women's hockey. It already is. 

Mike Bonelli [7:50 - 8:04]: Now it's a new junior hockey league starting up for girls. So, so once that happens and the financial piece comes into play, then everyone's going to want to have a 19U, 20U, 21U girls feeder program. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:05 - 8:05]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [8:05 - 8:06]: Or college programs. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:06 - 8:43]: So now listen, this is the why I set this up and for the audience listening. I think we know you pretty well because now your brains are going, well how, how you gotta prepare for that. Okay? Now everything's swirling in your mind of like, well, I didn't know that. I didn't know we need to do that. All right, so the first thing we're gonna do, and this is why I love the show and this is what I know from learning from Christy. Mike, first thing we gotta do is just, just hold up a second, okay? That's why we're having the episode, because that started swirling in my mind and I remember everything we learned from this show, which is, hold on, let's get our priorities straight. Let's, let's figure out what we're doing here. I think you both said it right away. Stay present where you're at. That's the first step. 

Christie Casciano [8:43 - 8:43]: Kids. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:43 - 9:13]: 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, be there. Let's be there, let's stay there. You don't have to figure this out today. Right, but that, that's where the question came from. Now, as the parent of an 11 year old and an 8 year old, now I'm asking both of you, what is the advice now to prepare for this? And I wrote down notes here again, hockey versus school desire. Christy, you just brought up a great point. I think collegiate student athletes, I think it's more than a full time job. Right. I think it's harder than a full time job. So it's very hard. 

Christie Casciano [9:13 - 9:13]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:14 - 9:29]: What are the things we should be doing to prepare our kids generally? And when I say prepare, gang, I don't mean prepare them for college hockey. You can't put that pressure on your kids right now. But what do we need to do as parents to go down that path? 

Christie Casciano [9:29 - 10:19]: Right. They need to prioritize school and their studies. They really do. Because sometimes that gets lost in the shuffle. Oh yeah, but we've got a tournament this weekend. Let's skip Friday. I know you have an exam. You really have to make it clear to the kids that school is your priority. Getting a good education, working hard, you know, making good friends, being socially responsible kids and, you know, good little people, you know, good character education too, that is also important right now. You need to lay that strong foundation so that you can build upon that. Because if they don't have good grades, if, you know, if they're rotten kids, if they're spoiled brats, they're not going to get very far in life. So that's the priority right now. When you're Talking about the 8, 9, 10 years, 10 year olds, that should be your priority. 

Lee MJ Elias [10:19 - 11:00]: And I don't think we do that well, Christy, I'm not going to lie to you because I think that school's easy to skip in elementary school because it's like, oh, what are you learning about the truth is this though that look, let's be blunt. You're all going to skip the school for the hockey tournament. We're all going to do it. I do it. But it's. What conversations are you having with the teachers when you do it? Because I always email. It's not, hey, we're going to be gone for a trip. It's right. My kid's going to be missing work. I want you to send me the work that he or she needs to do. We will do it on the road or do it ahead of time. The other thing too is that and, and the teachers have been really great at our district lately. There's a form we have to fill out now that they they actually ask us to find some educational opportunities on the trip. 

Christie Casciano [11:00 - 11:01]: Fantastic. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:01 - 11:04]: And I thought that was great. So like when we went to like. 

Christie Casciano [11:04 - 11:06]: Bring your kids into that conversation too. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:06 - 11:07]: Oh, we did that. 

Christie Casciano [11:07 - 11:22]: They know that. Yeah, you're missing school. But I'm not thrilled about this. But we're going to make the best of it. And look, school is number one. So we're gonna, we're gonna add some schooling on our trip. We're gonna help. Yeah, exactly. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:22 - 11:47]: When we went to lake classes, my son had to kind of report back on that and, and excellent. You know, they made him kind of explain like, oh, this is where I was. This is the historical significance which is like, this is valuable, right? This actually is valuable. Now it's not. We're just going for a hockey tournament and there is some significance to Lake Placid. So that's one thing. Mike, let's sauce the puck to you. Look at you again. 

Christie Casciano [11:47 - 11:48]: We're talking eight, nine years old. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:48 - 11:49]: Yeah, we're talking. 

Mike Bonelli [11:49 - 13:52]: And I think Chris is right. From the school, from the school point of view, I love it. But, but also from the social point of view, like don't, you don't need to miss other kids schools events. You don't need to miss other priorities in your life, you know, activities for hockey. Like you don't now. And again, thank God for my wife because I would miss all that. Like I would just say Thursday morning we're going, we're going to some cornfield hockey tournament. You'll never see another human. You know, you're only going to see hockey players in a hotel. There's no educational value to this at all. And we're gonna drive you to drink for the parents and we're gonna make sure our kids are up until midnight, get up for a 7 o'clock game and try to compete. Right? So all of this stuff is all great, but I think at the end of the day at 6, 7, 8, 9. Now there's so many parents that I come in contact with now that justify the hockey tournament as that other piece of social piece. Like, like. Well, we do, Mike. We, we, we, we feel by being in the car with our kids and going to Vermont for a tournament or showcase or going down to Florida for the Triple Elite Invite Blue Chip Invitational. That is, that is educational 100%. I, you know, whether I like it or not, often those kids end up being the best players anyway. I mean, and that's fine. But I think for the rest of us, for the. No, for the, for the broad majority and I Think you'll, and I guess go going back to looking in a crystal ball a bit. Right. When your kids are 17 and 18, you see that all of them, except for two, are no longer playing hockey anymore. Like they're, they're, they're finished. Yeah, but what did you, what and what is their identity and who are they? And, and what have you missed? And what haven't you missed? Like, again, like, I, like, I think I've gotten a lot out of the sport from a, from a social perspective. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:52 - 13:52]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [13:52 - 14:04]: My kids have. But there's a lot of, there's, there's give and takes, there's sacrifices there. So at eight, nine, don't worry. Like you could give up a couple things. And I will say one thing too. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:04 - 14:05]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [14:05 - 14:12]: As far as the tournaments go, it's literally criminal to pull kids out of school early. It is. I mean, I especially love it, I. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:12 - 14:14]: Don'T love it especially with the state. 

Mike Bonelli [14:14 - 14:41]: Tournament, like at the end of the year now you're seeing these tournaments like where I am. And these tournaments start on Thursdays and Fridays where the kids are gone. This is a state run. Like, this is an organization that you belong to a conference, not a, not a pay to play tournament weekend. Not somebody that's, you know, you know, pulling in a check. It's state run programs that espouse all this BS about what hockey is supposed to do for kids. And then they have a tournament game on a Friday morning at 10am. 

Christie Casciano [14:43 - 14:56]: I feel the same way. And Sophia went through this too. The state tournaments were on Thursdays and Fridays. Right. To pull her out of school to get to Buffalo for the state tournament. And I think, what kind of message is that sending? 

Mike Bonelli [14:56 - 15:16]: And then there's another 440 ranks that are empty. Empty. So what do they say? Oh, it's because of finances we have to do. I go, that's all B.S. you can literally run six teams in this ring. Six teams in that ring, six teams in this ring. Start them on Saturday, end them on Sunday. It's the same experiences there until, until you stop going. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:16 - 15:20]: That that's not going to end. You were talking about earn the right. 

Mike Bonelli [15:20 - 16:08]: At the end of the year to miss school for two days. Where in fact, now, again, I'm not saying I'm not. Like, think about when you're eight or nine now these, this is like money. It's like you're banking. Imagine when you're 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 every year for all these years you've missed, you've missed 12 days, 13 days of school, 14 days of school every year for 12, 15 years. And it's, it adds up and it just, just sets up a different standard. And people that, you know, people wonder why everybody's like, oh, hockey, you know, like, you see the jokes on Instagram all the time. Right? Like, you know, when you have a mom calling in Friday morning, they're like, oh, I gotta, I gotta just call in my, my son not feeling well today. And, and the lady like, you know, writing down, you know, hockey tournament. 

Christie Casciano [16:08 - 16:10]: Yeah, where's the hockey tournament this weekend? 

Mike Bonelli [16:11 - 16:13]: And then we're lying. And then we're lying as parents. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:13 - 16:15]: Well, let' talk about that as a tip. 

Christie Casciano [16:15 - 16:16]: That's pretty ugly. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:16 - 16:32]: Yeah, don't lie. Let's talk about that as a tip. Don't lie, you know, because you're lying because you're afraid the teacher is going to say, like, they need to be here. And the thing is, I'd be more afraid of the teacher saying they need to be here and me not being there as a parent because again, there's no game or tournament that's worth more than the school. 

Christie Casciano [16:32 - 16:36]: Yeah. And again, get rid up, because it's not a sanctioned absence. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:36 - 16:37]: Yeah. Yeah. Right. 

Mike Bonelli [16:38 - 16:40]: So I'm torn about that a little bit. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:40 - 16:40]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [16:40 - 16:54]: Because I do think you can, you can get educational pieces out of all this. And I, I don't know if on a, like, what I get upset about is if I make my kids go to school on a Friday and then I find out there was no teachers, half the class was on, and they. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:54 - 16:56]: Watch actionable advice movie. 

Mike Bonelli [16:56 - 16:57]: I'm like, are you kidding me? 

Christie Casciano [16:57 - 16:58]: That would really get me mad. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:58 - 17:02]: Yeah. This is where the actionable. 

Mike Bonelli [17:02 - 17:04]: I'm the only parent in the school. 

Christie Casciano [17:04 - 17:05]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:05 - 17:06]: Let me ask you this the right. 

Christie Casciano [17:06 - 17:12]: Thing and keeping my kid in school and it turns out you're showing a movie and there are no teachers there. It's a Friday. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:13 - 17:16]: What? There's only so many times you can see Milo and Otis. 

Christie Casciano [17:17 - 17:18]: Major. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:18 - 18:32]: Let me, let me ask this, let me ask this to you because I think there's some actionable advice here, like the lying to get out of school. I, I don't agree with that. I always try and have a really good rapport with the teachers. All right. And so we talk about early in the year, like, you know, Mike, you'll laugh at this. Chris D. Too. Look, my kid plays hockey and this is kind of what, this happens during the season. And I want to work with you to make sure that, you know, the enrichment from the education is going to be there. All year. I've yet to have a teacher that was horrendous with that. We've had some hard ones. I'll be honest with you. All right, But I want the teacher that's going to say, kid, can't miss school today. You have this thing happening. But they also tell me, per what you guys are saying, that, yeah, it's okay to miss this week. We're not really doing much right now, which is great, Great. All right. But you got to get on that dialogue. And the other thing that that dialogue creates is, well, okay, look, there's a big test on Friday. I'm willing to give your son or daughter that test on Wednesday. A little early, but they have to study for it. Well, now we're teaching the accountability that's needed to be a successful person. That's why those conversations are so unique. And, yeah, look, every once in a while, you're going to get a teacher says, your kid can't miss school. No way will I let your kid out for hockey. And look, that's adversity. You're going to. We've all dealt with that with work. Nope, can't miss today. You can't be sick today. 

Mike Bonelli [18:32 - 19:19]: Well, that's a whole nother. That's a whole nother question. Like, how the hell these people do it? Like, how do you leave work on a Thursday? Like, how does. How do 15 families not go to work on Thursday and Friday? Like, there has to be people that are linemen or they dig or they have a physical job or they're hammering or soldering. Like, does everyone have a remote job? I mean, I think when these tournaments put their teams, their. Their schedules together, like, oh, these are all stockbrokers that work from home. I'm like, are you crazy? Like, who does this? And so, again, eight or nine years old, it's not. I personally think you can miss a couple of hockey games, show up late, maybe show up Friday night every once in a while not to miss some important pieces of school. 

Christie Casciano [19:19 - 19:20]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [19:20 - 19:24]: Band night, music, chorus, whatever. I mean, there's other things that are going on. 

Christie Casciano [19:25 - 19:36]: I got caught once. So we had a tournament in Toronto, and I didn't want to miss it, and my husband couldn't take her, so I called in sick. Right? 

Mike Bonelli [19:37 - 19:39]: How do you do that? You're on TV every day. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:39 - 19:40]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [19:40 - 19:50]: So I made a mistake. We're up in Toronto. We're having dinner at Wayne Gretzky's. I don't know. It's the one with the hockey skate that opens up the door 99. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:50 - 19:50]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [19:50 - 19:51]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [19:51 - 20:06]: So I. I posted a picture of the store, of the restaurant, because I was so excited, I forgot it, called in sick, and I posted it on my Twitter account, which was. It's my hockey Twitter. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:06 - 20:08]: You're a celebrity. What are you doing? 

Mike Bonelli [20:09 - 20:10]: You got to know better than that. 

Christie Casciano [20:10 - 20:18]: I called it Monday. I got in so much trouble. If you're going to call it sick, go to a hockey tournament, you probably shouldn't post on social media. 

Mike Bonelli [20:18 - 20:19]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [20:19 - 20:20]: There you are. 

Mike Bonelli [20:20 - 20:28]: Or you gotta. Or you gotta do a remote. I can take a picture and have a beer. I just can't. I just can't do the news. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:28 - 20:35]: Yeah. I hope you weren't gonna be like, guys, you don't understand again. All right? It's not. Because I was yelling all weekend. 

Mike Bonelli [20:36 - 20:38]: Whiskey is really good. It was helpful. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:38 - 20:49]: It's raspy. No, like, even we're not trouble, too. Even we're not innocent with social media mishandling. Everybody thinks the kids do that. You can't just post anything you want online. Well, find that out. 

Mike Bonelli [20:49 - 20:57]: Well, that's what these kids do, too, right? All parents, they'll say, like, oh, my kid can't make it to one coach. And then. Then they'll post it there at this thing. I'm like, how dumb are you? 

Lee MJ Elias [20:57 - 21:06]: Like, you know what you're doing? Yeah. You know, I want to bring up another real point here. So let's just remind everybody how old, Chris, how old are your kids? I just want to give perspective here. 

Christie Casciano [21:06 - 21:09]: Yeah. Sophia's in her early 20s, and Joey's 29. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:09 - 23:19]: There you go. And, Mike, your kids are 17 and 11. Okay? So you get. So just so you guys listening, understand, when I came on, like, to this room today, Mike was talking about all the college visits and the schools that his kid wants to go to and what they're doing. I. I mean, again, scared me. Now, what I want to bring up, I'm in it. Yeah, it's. It's. It's. It's a weird thing to watch. Here's the deal. A few minutes ago, we got to bring this up. You were talking about, you know, kind of. Mike, you said you alluded to it, like, oh, if you get past 15 and you get to this point now, the reason Mike said that is because. And youth. Parents really need to pay attention to this part. The burnout rate at 15 years old is astounding. I know you're having a great time with your kids right now. If they're younger. The burnout rate at 15 is crazy right now. In not just Hockey, but youth sports. Okay, but in hockey, it's pretty bad. And I believe. And you. You guys tell me that is due to the undue pressure that we're putting on these kids. And when they get to 15 and they are staring at college, man, it's overwhelming. Do I play hockey? Do I go to school? Do I not go to school? Do I go play juniors? Do I even want to play hockey? Do I want to have a life? Do I want to do other things? We're not doing the best job of preparing, I think, our kids for that kind of crossover, that threshold. I think it's because, Mike, you said this. If we're not careful, and some of the onus is on your kid, too, don't get me wrong, we're gonna put our kids in a position where they only identify as hockey players, right? All right. And it's so important that they do other stuff. And I don't just mean other sports. Band, orchestra plays, writing, the arts. Find something in addition to hockey and tell your kid you're not just a hockey player. My son will freak me out from time to time. He'll say things like, well, people know me because of my hair, or people know me because my hat's backwards. And I say, that's not true. That's not true. But this is how a kid that age thinks, right? That on that part of. It's normal. I say you're not identified as this. You're identified by the person you are and the way you hold yourself. Go ahead, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [23:19 - 23:26]: Right. But we do that too, as parents. Like, we're identified as a hockey parent. Like, you identify yourself as, I'm a dad. 

Christie Casciano [23:26 - 23:27]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [23:27 - 24:13]: But the problem by other people looking in, they're like, like, oh, hockey tournament again this weekend. Oh, like, you're nuts. But the other. But we're. We just surround ourselves with other crazy people. Like, so to us, it's like a normal thing. Like when you meet up for dinner on a Friday night and you've just traveled, you know, six and a half hours for a game. Like, I literally. I'm at the point right now, if somebody tells me I have a game somewhere and it's three hours away, I'm like, oh, that's cool. Like, that's nothing. Like, literally, I could go to a game, play it, come back, what? You know, watch, Go watch Michael, come back, come back. And a three hour trip is. Is not even. Like, I don't even think about a hotel at that point, right? I'm like, oh, I can just get it which is, which is crazy actually, right? Like, like other people. Like, what are you talking about? That's like a vacation. Like, that's like going away. 

Christie Casciano [24:13 - 24:31]: And I did the same thing my, just the other day because my son lives in Boston and we're in Syracuse. That's four and a half hours. And I was going to go visit him and a friend of mine said, oh my gosh, four and a half hours, that's so far. How are you going to do that in a weekend? I'm like, that is so easy. 

Mike Bonelli [24:31 - 24:45]: That's nothing. Yeah, nothing. I need a pee break now. But now. But back, back, you know, a long time ago, you didn't, you know, I could go, but I think it's just like one of those things where I think so, so going back to like, what, what would, what would I. 

Lee MJ Elias [24:45 - 24:49]: Solution. Like what's what, what. Give me the advice there, because you're making a good point. 

Mike Bonelli [24:50 - 25:03]: You got to blow the whole system up. But I think it's. There is no solution. It's. It's. You have to, I think you have to be strong enough. Well, a, you have to have a great spouse, I think, like somebody that's sane on the other side. Like somebody not a hockey person. 

Lee MJ Elias [25:03 - 25:05]: Yep, I got that. Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [25:05 - 25:57]: So. And you know, thank God for me too, because I, I was always like, okay, well, you know, we have to do this. Well, why do we have to do this? And again, going back, if you knew me when my son was a sick, you know, six year old, seven year old, eight year old, I was the fighter. I was like, I'm not doing it. We're not going over a bridge. We're not going in a tunnel. I'm not paying tolls to go play a hockey game. There's 17 rinks within an hour radius of me. Like, I'm not, not, I'm not. And then what am I doing? I'm doing it. And, and you just, you lose. And I think you know that burnout rate too that you talked about, Lee, that also is the parents. Like, if your high Note was an 8 year old championship in Tampa, then that's tough. Like if your high note was making this team as a 9 and 10 year old, that's the hot. That's like the highlight of your career. 

Lee MJ Elias [25:57 - 25:59]: I see that every day. 

Mike Bonelli [26:01 - 26:03]: I see it every day. I see it a lot. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:03 - 26:04]: And that worries me. 

Mike Bonelli [26:04 - 26:24]: Yeah. But again. But the only people we talk about. And again, I'm guilty as this too. The, the only people we see are the ones that squeak through and the ones that had nothing to do with the parent, had nothing to do with the environment. They just. Well, how about this, Revered? They just. They. They. They were. They were built differently than a different kid. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:24 - 26:25]: I. 

Christie Casciano [26:25 - 26:25]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:25 - 29:01]: We're recording this episode during silly season, as we call it, which is. It's eval tryout season right now, when we're recording this. Now. Now we did a whole episode on that. I'm not going to dive into that, but what I am going to dive into is in the parents. You know, this. The. The apprehension, the fear, the. The uneasiness. Kid gonna make. Yeah, okay. And I see it rampant right now. And I. I truly. And I. I always attribute this to the show. I don't have those emotions about evals and tryouts. And the reason why is because I largely am not super concerned with what team they make at their age right now. That may change when they're older, but for me, right now, it's just. You're playing a sport. You'll develop wherever you're at, and you'll deal with whatever team you're on, whether it's the. The team you want to make or the team you don't want to make. You're going to play on the team that you're selected for because that's how life works, right? All right. The other thing, too, is that I don't ever. And again, if I'm on a soapbox, guys tell me I don't mean to be. I don't ever want my kids to think that their value, especially for me, but probably more importantly themselves, is attached to how many A's are next to the team that they make. That. That, to me, is silly. I. I swear to all of you listening, I truly believe this. And for those of you who know me, you know this is true. Okay? It doesn't mean I don't want my kid to make a good team. I'm saying to you that that's really not that important to me because I don't think the letters are more important than what they're gonna do with what they're given. That's the. The. The value to me. Okay? And again, when they get older and this gets a little more competitive, we'll deal with that then. Because that's a different scenario. Because if you're trying to play junior or college hockey, then it does matter a bit what. What team you're playing for. But at 10, 11, it doesn't. And. And my final note on that. And I'll. I'll jump off it, is that if you as a parent are feeling that emotion, I'd say there's a 99 to 100 chance you're imprinting that by accident onto your kid. All right? If you're worried about what team they make, they're gonna worry about it, too. Even if you don't say anything, they're gonna feel it. All right? Kids are like that. That. You know, we're all. We were all kids at one point. Okay? So I think it starts also. And again, I. I always attribute what I'm about to say to this show. Okay. This show has taught me how to do that. You guys have taught me how to do that isn't something I organically did. All right? It was, you know, what are you worried about? Or like, I always. I always love it. What are you playing spring hockey for, Lee? 

Mike Bonelli [29:01 - 29:01]: What do you. 

Lee MJ Elias [29:01 - 29:20]: What do you think it take off? Like, things like that again? No. No worries if you're playing spring hockey out there. Just me. But, guys, am I wrong in thinking that? That, like, at the younger half, 12 down, it's like, don't, don't. Don't put so much value on what team you make. Don't put so much value on the letters after a team. Be happy you're on a team. 

Christie Casciano [29:20 - 30:00]: Yeah, yeah. And you make the most of it right now. My kids were so different. My son, his goal when he was probably 11 or 12 was just to make the high school hockey team. He knew where he wanted to go for high school, and it was tough making that team. So. Okay, so what are we going to do to get there? Do you have to play Triple A? No, you don't have to. But we've got him on a good hockey team. Great coaches, great kids, super chemistry. He just nailed it on this one. It was a travel team, honed his skills, got really good. But he also learned the importance of good nutrition, mental health, how to separate. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:01 - 30:03]: How to work, how to work hard. 

Christie Casciano [30:04 - 31:33]: And grades, really important, too. How to balance that, how to get your studies done, make a travel team. And there's a lot of pressure on the weekends, game after game, big tournaments and all that. Then when he finally made the high school team, it was pretty easy for him, and he did great, and it was a super team, so. And then when he was done with high school hockey, he was done with hockey. Not done loving hockey. He still loves the guy. He is an encyclopedia to this day. He can tell you every single player, what their stats are, where the teams are at. He's brilliant. But he was fine going to college and putting hockey on the side, just playing for fun, maybe, you know, getting together with a couple of guys, skating on the weekends. And that was it. And he turned out to be super successful. He's got a great job now. Why I think all of that that we gave him early on, all those tools that he had in his toolbox as starting at the age of 9, 10, 11, playing hockey have really benefited him now at this job that he has, it's just very intense, a lot of important scheduling and out of balance. He still goes to the gym. He's got great, he looks fantastic. But I think all of that developed from those early on good habits that he learned as a kid. Not making hockey. I'm not just a hockey player. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:33 - 31:33]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [31:33 - 31:35]: I'm a lot of things. I have a lot of talent. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:36 - 31:40]: Christy, did you enable that as the parent too? Like what guided him? Yeah, what message? 

Christie Casciano [31:41 - 32:14]: You can see it. I mean, he was a driven kid, but we helped guide him. All right, let's look at this team. This is a better fit for this kid. So he has a totally different story. So you got to really look at your kid and figure out what's right for him, what's right for us as a family and what's a good balance for this kid. Because every kid is different personality. Sophia wanted to play at a higher level. Joey had no interest. So you let them lead the way, listen to a guide, provide them the support they need, all the tools that they need to succeed. 

Mike Bonelli [32:15 - 32:15]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:15 - 32:26]: It sounds like too that you, you cultivated the essence of what was developing them in hockey and not the hockey, which I love. You know, I remember talking to a parent yesterday. 

Christie Casciano [32:27 - 32:27]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:27 - 32:30]: Who's my kids in the garage all the time. He shoots all the time. 

Christie Casciano [32:30 - 32:31]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:31 - 32:42]: So we'll make sure you compliment that because that, that work because that kid's from, from what I'm told, like the kid's not exactly where they want to be in hockey yet. I said, yeah, but that's, that's the stuff that turns that down the road. 

Christie Casciano [32:42 - 32:43]: Exactly. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:43 - 32:54]: Yeah, yeah. Mike and I say it all the time. You could be a triple 8, triple 8 year old, 9 year old, 10 year old, 12 year old. It doesn't mean you're going to be a AAA, 18 year old or whatever that is. Right. It's right. 

Mike Bonelli [32:54 - 32:55]: Once you've made, you could be, you. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:56 - 32:57]: Could be, you might not, but you don't know. 

Mike Bonelli [32:58 - 33:40]: But the core is what the, like what Christy's talking about is, is really comes down to the essence of why we play sport Right. The core is that you learn all of these other things that are associated with, you know, being a successful adult and working hard. Now if, if it happens to coincide with being a great hockey player and a great athlete, that's great. But I think, I think my, you know, and I, my fear because I now that I work, I work with so many kids now that like I think Christy, I think you, you got through the gauntlet of, of the, the, the social media iPhone world. Like I think you were right at the end, like you were at the end of that. Right? 

Christie Casciano [33:40 - 33:40]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [33:40 - 35:18]: I think there's so many right now that I talk to that, this, this FOMO and this device piece and this never ending parental and player dance of what is everyone else doing? Yeah, is, is, is what it's doing for our, our. Well, forget about what it does for society, but it's doing just for a hockey player, a kid that's trying to play and a parent that's trying to support them, it becomes so much more layered because now we're not only fighting me and my obsession and my kid obsession or non obsession, but what we think everyone else is doing. And it is, it is a very difficult thing not to do what everyone else is doing. It just is. And, and because you know, you missed that one, you know, blue chip invitational weekend and you think, you think it might, that might be over for you. Yeah. And that's how people think. And like you see, you, you hear this about players all the time. Like you're willing to go to 12 tournaments in the spring when you what, what you really need is a nutritionist and a mental health coach. Like you don't need more ice time, you're good, but you need all this other stuff that you're not getting during the season. Like I, I say, especially if you're listening to this in the spring, like this is the time for development. This is the time to, to build on all these great attributes you may or may not have. But if you have an 8, 9, 10 year old, it's like just, just understand it does go quick. 

Christie Casciano [35:18 - 35:18]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [35:18 - 35:25]: And what you do today, you know, it, it sets up the table for, for the next couple of years. 

Christie Casciano [35:25 - 36:03]: Right? And it's always good to have, you know, a good balance for your family too. As you were saying, Mike, you know, it's so, so easy to burn out when you've got those crazy schedules and you're, you know, traveling all over the place on the weekend and you're just feeling burnt. You know, take a break, do what's right for your family, for your mental health, for. For each other. You don't have to be what. Do what everybody else is doing. You got to do what's right for you. Seriously. I know that's hard sometimes, but you really need to pull the plug sometimes and just say, hey, you know what? We need a break. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:03 - 36:17]: You know, how about this, too, Christy? Just on the mental health front, if you need a break, you need to teach your kids through your actions that your kids see that, like, no, I needed a break this weekend. Yeah, it's okay to take breaks sometimes. 

Christie Casciano [36:17 - 36:18]: Exactly. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:18 - 37:04]: I mean, that's a message I don't hear anybody give their kids. Right, right. Of, you know, things like that. You know, like, I just got back from a trip coaching, ironically enough, on the west coast, and I took a red eye home. And, you know, my kids got home and it was a great. Don't worry. I spent a lot of time with them when I got home. But eventually I said, hey, guys, you know, I need a little bit of a break right now. I just. I really need a minute. Like, right. I. I tell my kids that, like, it's okay. Like, yeah, it's not an angry. I need a minute. Get away. It's like, sometimes people, I need to decompress from it. You need to give my space. And, you know, you guys can learn to do that, too. You know, it's actually, It's a hard moment, but sometimes when my. My. My son especially is going through it, he'll say, I need a minute. And it's like, you know, I always kind of back up when he says that. I'm like, you know what? That's. That's him trying to get control of the situation. All right. 

Christie Casciano [37:04 - 37:05]: Exactly. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:05 - 37:07]: Last question for me. Thank you. 

Christie Casciano [37:07 - 37:08]: Got another question. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:08 - 37:19]: Well, last. Last thought. Question. You know, I've been writing notes this whole time about this. You know, there's this great saying that I've heard that the first third of your life, you worry about what everybody thinks of you. 

Christie Casciano [37:19 - 37:20]: Yes. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:20 - 38:58]: The second third of your life, you don't really care what people think of you. And then the last third of your life, you realize nobody really cared to begin with. Right, right, right. Yeah. And. And I'm trying to get to that last third now in the. In the middle of my life, hopefully. And, you know, the follow up to that. And this is so funny because I. I mentor people all the time. It's that, don't be fooled by thinking that any of us know what we're doing. Nobody knows what they're Doing, right. If there's anything I become more sure of, nobody has it all figured out. None of us know what we're doing. And if you think you do know, life is going to remind you very quickly. You have no idea what you're doing. All right? You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story. For those of you Hamilton fans out there, okay, you have no control. Very little. And I think that's an important perspective to bring to this, all right? Because when it comes to our kids, we all want to. We all want to provide them the safety of, hey, I know what we're doing. But. Right, but. But we don't. And I think that the safety is in explaining to your kids, and this is kind of the question forming here for you, too, that, look, kids, on this journey, we're gonna figure it out. That's the journey. We gotta figure it out. The highs, the lows, but we don't know where we're going. And that's okay. I mean, I think the thing that scares me the most is when I meet a parent, says, yeah, this is what we're gonna do. Play for this team for three years. Then we're going to jump to this team and we do this, and the college is going to come up. We're gonna do this. I've heard that. And it's like, what. What the hell are you talking about? 

Christie Casciano [38:58 - 38:59]: Exactly. 

Lee MJ Elias [38:59 - 39:08]: Like. Like, you don't. You have no idea what's going to happen from injury, from burnout, from right talent. You know what's gonna happen to you? You know what's gonna happen to your spouse? 

Mike Bonelli [39:09 - 39:17]: I've done that, though. Like, I've laid out. Like, okay, well, it's. But. But again, what's the but? What is, like, option A, B and C? It's like, it can't be one path. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:17 - 39:24]: Life planning. That's. That's a good thing. You know, like, go ahead, Michael. Like. Like, that's the advice. You should. I should shut up. Go ahead. 

Mike Bonelli [39:24 - 40:46]: No, no, no. I'm just saying, like, there is. There is. I mean, you're absolutely right, though. You. There. There is. There's a side of. I'm all in. I'm put. This is what we're doing. Here's your path, right? And then, oops. You. You never learn how to skate. You can't skate. Like, so. So the. Or oops, you know, you, like, you're a really great baseball player. I don't even like baseball. Like, so you can't be a good baseball player, but you love Baseball. And that's you, you, you know, you're hiding your bat in the corner. So, you know, I don't see it. Like, so I think it's just a matter of, you know, you could have the goals and the vision and the path, but then you have to say, but what if, then what? Like, you know, if this, if this happens, what are we doing here? Or a, you know, let's just, let's let's pivot because this opportunity didn't really come to where we want it to be, right? But ultimately, if the kid and the parent are driving the end game, like, you know everybody. Because you're never gonna, and you say this all the time with the kids you work with. Like, you're never gonna stand in a room and tell a kid he can't dream about being somewhere. Yeah, so, so I, I, I, I'm, I was, I was in a, I was at a camp when I was, when I was coaching in college hockey. And, and there was a guy, you know, one of our other coaches came up like, okay, everybody stand up in the room. Okay, all of you are in the room. All of you sit down. Okay, this is who will play college hockey. And I'm going, these are 14 year old kids. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:46 - 40:47]: Like, yeah, I hate. 

Mike Bonelli [40:47 - 41:26]: Who the hell are you? Like, who are you to say that? And I think that's the same thing. We have to be with our eight, nine year olds. Like, like, I want you to have a goal. Somebody's gonna play pro and so, and somebody's gonna play in college and somebody's gonna have a great career. And it doesn't, it doesn't, but that doesn't have to drive you all the way, but it needs to be a guiding light on how you determine it. Now, going back to what we said earlier, if you want to do everything, you can not to get there, we do a lot of that. Like, like, we do everything that you would say not to get. And we've interviewed how many people on the show that have said everything we're doing is gonna not get our kids where we think. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:26 - 43:12]: Yeah, Chrissy, I gotta jump in just real quick because Mike said something. I think if I have any pet peeve in this game, and there's plenty to have, I get really pissed off when I hear coaches, parents, players, anyone say, you're not, we're never gonna, you're never gonna make the NHL. We're never gonna play pro. You're never. Please, for the love of God, do not tell your kids to not follow a dream right Parents listening. It is insanely improbable that your kids will make the NHL. I know that. But why would you rob your kid of a dream, right? Tell them the truth in the sense of, yeah, that's a great goal and it's gonna be really hard and you're gonna have to work and there's no guarantees. Because when you tell your kid there's no point in trying, I mean, what the hell do you think that's going to do to them? You, you've literally just taught them to say, well, it's not gonna happen, so there's no point in trying. Yeah, yeah. Like, like what, what do you think that's doing to their psyche? Oh, it's too hard. So don't try. Anything worth doing is hard. And, and, and, and you're probably not going to succeed, but you will get so much further in trying than if you didn't. So again, I'm, I'm also not saying you should tell your kids, hey, you can make dhl. You should never say that either. All right, but if their dream is I want to play pro hockey, right, you don't say, well, you're never going to do that. Or it's, it's not going to happen. You say, yeah, it's really, that's a really good goal. It's a really hard goal. I just blows my mind. First meeting of the year. Hey, look, guys, none of you going to the NHL. What the hell are you doing? Like, what are you doing? They're playing NHL 25. They're playing. That's all they dream about is making the NHL. And you're taking that from them. And for what purpose? Like, like that's the other thing. 

Mike Bonelli [43:12 - 43:16]: Yeah, like you think a 12 year. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:16 - 43:20]: Old'S gonna compartmentalize that as, hey, coach, coach gets it, Coach gets it. 

Christie Casciano [43:20 - 43:47]: Right? But you know, it's interesting because as they get older, in their teen years, they start to realize what it takes. There's so much information out there. It's very easy to learn what is the path that I have to take if I really want to become, you know, player and HL player. And you may be surprised to hear from them. I really don't want to do that. I don't want to go to prep school, school. I don't want to leave my friends. 

Mike Bonelli [43:47 - 44:25]: You know, they know, they know where they, they know where they fit in. Like, I could, I could be the, the sunshine guy all the time to my kids. Oh, you're, you're right there. You're gonna make it you know, you're. You're so close to doing this. Or, wow, you're doing awesome here. You know? And the kids are like, what the hell are you talking about? Like, I'm not even close. Like, I. I skate with these guys. Like, I'm on the ice with that player, and I'm like, that player was the best player person I ever saw skate, you know, across from me. So I'm like, so it's. And again, I think we do this as coaches as well, where, you know, there's a fine line, Lee, right? Between. Between pumping up and having reality. Like, there's a fine line between. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:25 - 44:35]: Look, let's just say I'm not bullshitting the kids. Like, I'll say it bluntly, but. But I'm not gonna ruin their hopes and dreams. I. I just. I get so mad sometimes. 

Christie Casciano [44:35 - 44:38]: It's the kids who have to ruin the dream for the parents. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:40 - 44:42]: That's a bold statement, but it's true. Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [44:42 - 44:46]: I'm not good enough. Okay. Yeah. And I'm okay with that. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:46 - 44:47]: Yeah. So, you guys. 

Mike Bonelli [44:49 - 45:02]: That'S a good point, because I'm not, like, I'm living. I'm living through my kids. Like, right. Like. And not. And not so much like that I want them to make it. That's not. I want. I want all. I just want. We all want what's best for our kids. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:02 - 45:02]: Yes. 

Christie Casciano [45:02 - 45:03]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:03 - 45:03]: Agreed. 

Mike Bonelli [45:03 - 45:09]: When we see, like, wow. Wouldn't like. Do you realize that this environment you could be in. 

Christie Casciano [45:09 - 45:09]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [45:09 - 45:19]: Could be a really cool environment, and somebody will remind me, you know, hey, well, they can have other things that will influence their life too, like. Yeah, but that's not fun for me. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:22 - 45:25]: What do you mean? The kid loves violin. We're a hockey player. 

Mike Bonelli [45:25 - 45:52]: Yeah, but I don't want to go. But I'm not sitting in the Boston Philharmonic. Like, yes, great. You're great. But. But, you know, but I'm saying we all, like, just we. I've always come from the camp of, I can help you more if I'm in. Involved, and I'm in it, and I love it, and I. And I want to help. And again, I'm not. Not gonna help. But. But it's so hard for me particularly, to say, oh, you like that? Like, let me get. Let me see if I can get into this. 

Christie Casciano [45:52 - 45:52]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [45:52 - 45:55]: Like, my. My younger son loves chess. Loves it. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:55 - 45:56]: Like, Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [45:56 - 46:00]: I don't even know what a chessboard looks like. Like, I can't even line them up. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:00 - 46:01]: What's a rook? 

Mike Bonelli [46:02 - 46:06]: Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about can they hit each other? You know, can they. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:07 - 46:09]: How do you make a one three, one out of these pieces? 

Mike Bonelli [46:10 - 46:13]: Yeah, I'm doing a breakout, and he's. And he's killing my knife. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:13 - 46:15]: I tried the neutral zone trap. It didn't work. 

Christie Casciano [46:15 - 46:20]: In this game, your kid that he. You know, he discovered that on his own. Not because. 

Mike Bonelli [46:20 - 46:28]: No. But then when he's with all the other geeks, you know, playing. Playing. Playing chess, and I gotta look and say, well, that's kind of cool. Like, that's a social piece. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:29 - 46:29]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [46:29 - 46:57]: And to me, then I look at all these great hockey players, I'm like, man, these kids, like. Like, you look at you, you see the behind the scenes of these other athletes. Like, when did they have time to learn the guitar and be a. Be a computer scientist and be a. You know, like, even look at. Remember, you know, a guy we interviewed a lot, right? Like Mike Weaver, right? He said when I. When. When I was in college and the guys were partying, I was out coding. Like, I was doing other things outside of the hockey world, hockey wouldn't be my whole life. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:57 - 47:05]: I was broadcasting. I loved broadcasting. But, Mike, the key and what you just said, very passionately, by the way, that I don't want to be lost here. 

Mike Bonelli [47:05 - 47:06]: My kids don't listen to the shows. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:06 - 48:33]: Well, Mike, you said something pretty profound there, which is, hey, well, let me see if I can get into this other thing, right? And there's so many parents and people who just. It's not that you don't do it. I don't know if we're thinking that way. Like, yeah, my. My. I joked about the violin. My kid plays the violin. I'm not in the violin, but I'm at those concerts, and I'm trying to learn and watch him play it, and I'm encouraging about it because it's. It's something else. Also, I think music is a pathway to intelligence in a lot of ways. But look, the thing is this gang, you know, here's another truth. This is, like, a tough one to swallow, actually, is that the. The most passionate, horrible hockey parents that, you know, really love their kids, because if they didn't, they would. They wouldn't even be there. All right? That doesn't make them fun to be around. But the truth is this. They're passionate because even if they're living through their kids, they love their kids. All right? Like, that's. That's one thing about hockey parents, that There's a lot of different ways to define love. But, you know, you're not passionate about it just because you don't love your kids. Right. You just wouldn't be there. So we all got to find that pathway on our own. And I'm gonna say it again. Nobody knows what they're doing. But going back to the your kid's never going to make the NHL. I, I don't see any value in that statement other than don't follow, don't. It's not worth chasing your dreams. And I'm going to tell you right now, when you tell that to a 10 year old, 11 year old and they start thinking that way by the time they're 18, why would they make it? Why would they even try? 

Christie Casciano [48:33 - 48:33]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [48:33 - 48:39]: Right. But it's the same time. You can't be an 8 and 9 year old. A parent of an 8, 9 year old putting him in a program that. 

Lee MJ Elias [48:39 - 48:40]: Says I totally agree. 

Christie Casciano [48:41 - 48:45]: Right. Like eight years old on a AAA team. 

Lee MJ Elias [48:45 - 48:53]: Yeah, I see that too. I see parents. I've. Look, let's use the 8 year old. I've seen an 8 year old parent tell their kid you're good enough to make it. 

Christie Casciano [48:53 - 48:54]: Wow. 

Lee MJ Elias [48:54 - 49:07]: Like, make what? And it's like, now look, it's a super fair point. The opposite of this, the opposite of you'll never make it and you will make it is now you've created insanely unrealistic expectations for your kid. 

Christie Casciano [49:07 - 49:08]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:08 - 49:29]: With, with also, by the way, you have no idea what's going to happen to that kid over the next 10 years. No idea. I didn't expect to blow my shoulder out. My senior year. Completely derailed college hockey for me. Now, thank God that happened because I never meet my wife. I don't have my kids. I'm not sitting here with you guys. I don't go to become a broadcasting major. That was the path that was handed to me. 

Mike Bonelli [49:29 - 49:29]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:29 - 49:36]: And I'm at this point in my life, I'm so thankful for it. Right, Right. But I didn't see that at the moment. But that's okay. 

Christie Casciano [49:36 - 49:43]: And that's just life. You have to be prepared to, you know, pivot. And sometimes life throws you some curveballs that. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:43 - 49:44]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [49:44 - 49:47]: Kind of tough to hit. So you got to figure it out. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:47 - 50:02]: I'm going to try and say this in one sentence. I would rather my kid and kids not identify their success through making it whatever that looks like and more so how they responded to failure. 

Mike Bonelli [50:02 - 50:02]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:03 - 50:22]: That is life personified in the game. We've said all the time the ROI in this game is the life lessons. And should your child succeed. I mean Again, Christy, your daughter did it. She went. Played D1 College. All right. You know, should they succeed, great. But your daughter is also one of the greatest human beings. Your son, too. 

Christie Casciano [50:22 - 50:23]: She is a great kid. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:23 - 50:34]: All right. Yeah. They're both a good people. I mean, they're true. We won't get into it, but the things. Things that Sophia does for you, your family, people. I mean, this is a tremendous human being. 

Mike Bonelli [50:34 - 50:35]: Yes, she is. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:35 - 50:37]: She's not just a hockey player. 

Christie Casciano [50:37 - 50:38]: Right. And she knows that. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:38 - 50:39]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [50:39 - 50:42]: And now she doesn't play hockey. You know, she's. She's going to law school. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:42 - 50:49]: Yeah. You know, boring. Like law again, I think. I don't play hockey either. 

Mike Bonelli [50:50 - 50:51]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [50:51 - 50:58]: So. Yeah. So getting back to just sometimes what happened to you, Sometimes things happen and you don't expect. Expect them. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:59 - 50:59]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [50:59 - 51:08]: It puts you on a whole nother path, and you can learn from that. So you gotta figure out how to make the most of what life has. 

Lee MJ Elias [51:08 - 51:19]: You have to. And that. That. That experience, Christy, thank you. That experience taught me that. I mean, like, it was like, immediately, NCAA's teams that were talking to me, they were off the table immediately. 

Christie Casciano [51:20 - 51:20]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [51:20 - 51:20]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [51:20 - 51:37]: Right. Because. Because of the nature of the injury. And it's like I. I had to deal with that, and it was hard. And again, that's another episode. But, yeah. My point is that my parents prepared me to handle that type of adversity, and my passion for the game pulled me through. I'm gonna say it, too. I think if someone had told me, younger, you'll never make it. 

Christie Casciano [51:38 - 51:38]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [51:38 - 51:42]: I mean, it's like, man, that would have turned that into more of a nightmare than. 

Christie Casciano [51:42 - 52:52]: Although you can turn those situations around. I'll give you an example. I was a senior in college, and our guidance counselor wanted everybody put into a hat what she wanted to do for a career. And so she stirs up the answers. Of course, I put in, I want to be a television news anchor. So she pulls up nurse. That's a great occupation. You're going to get a job, right. As soon as you graduate from nursing school. That's great. Another one. Oh, an electrician. Awesome career. We have so many electrical jobs here in Syracuse. Excellent. Another one. Oh, you want to work at New Process Care Chrysler. You want to work at gm, the car plant. Then she pulled up mine. Television news anchor. What? Let me tell. I don't know who wrote this down, but let me hold up the classified ads right here. Do you see television? New anchor, no nurses. The Chrysler plant. You know, electrical engineers. Do you see television news? Anchor here on the classified ads. 

Mike Bonelli [52:52 - 52:52]: What. 

Christie Casciano [52:52 - 53:05]: What's needed employment ad. And I was all red faced. You will never make it. You. Whoever wrote that you will never make it. That's a return. I went out of there and I was like, I am going to prove her wrong. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:05 - 53:08]: Yeah. And Christy, remind everybody what you do. 

Christie Casciano [53:08 - 53:11]: And it made me more determined than ever. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:11 - 53:17]: Remind everybody what you do. Yes. Remind everybody what you do again. 

Christie Casciano [53:17 - 53:19]: You're. What, I'm a television. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:19 - 53:21]: Yeah, yeah. She's a television news anchor. 

Christie Casciano [53:21 - 53:29]: But yeah, sometimes it can also light a fire in you and make, you know, being Italian, you know, just. No, no, listen, don't even push me like that. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:30 - 54:10]: I heard it all the time. You're never gonna make it. That wasn't. But, but in the essence of this episode, that wasn't coming from my parents. My father actually always said to me, nobody has to agree with your dream, but you have a right to have your dream. That's what he used to say to me. And that really, as I got older, that made a lot of sense, right? It's like, don't, don't. Just basically don't. Don't let anybody tell you what you can't chase down. All right? You'll never. You'll never. I always joke. I did make the NHL because I got to work there for several years. That's my joke. But, yeah, no, they fueled me because of my parents messaging at home, which was, don't let that stop. You're going to hear. You're always going to hear. You're never going to make it. And the farther you go, you're going to hear it more and more and more. All right. Really? The farther you go, the worse that gets? 

Mike Bonelli [54:10 - 54:10]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [54:10 - 54:10]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:10 - 54:11]: So you better prepare yourself. 

Christie Casciano [54:11 - 54:28]: I'm going to have a lot of support from my parents and my dad especially. He was a butcher, and there were six of us. And he would look at the six of us and say, I have six hams. And he'd point to me, but that's the ham who could never be cured. You need to be a television news anchor. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:28 - 54:46]: I love it. Well, listen, this has been a great episode. The big lesson from the show today, my biggest takeaway was if you lie to get out of work, don't post on social media, don't go to Wayne Gretzky's restaurant. That was the. That was the big one that I learned today. Chris. Yeah? I can't. I can't do the news tonight. 

Christie Casciano [54:46 - 54:48]: Oh, man, I got in trouble. 

Mike Bonelli [54:49 - 54:53]: Or if you want to get out of work on A Thursday, Friday for hockey. Be in hockey. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:54 - 54:57]: Mike, that's. That's the problem you and I have, right? Like, I always love. What are you doing? 

Mike Bonelli [54:58 - 55:00]: You can't leave on a Wednesday. What the hell's the problem? 

Lee MJ Elias [55:01 - 55:31]: I always tell people, mike, in our line of work, you'll appreciate this because you're doing what you love, too. It's. It's. I don't take for granted what we get to do, right? And I tell people. I. It's very hard to hear me complaining about being in a hockey rink, even if it's the 20th rink I've been in that week, because it's like, you gotta keep the perspective here, right? Like, I'm doing what I love. Doesn't mean we don't need breaks. But, yeah, again, don't. Don't lie to your bosses. It's not usually great. Christy's still a television news anchor, though, all right. 

Christie Casciano [55:31 - 55:33]: Yeah. And a hockey mom. 

Lee MJ Elias [55:33 - 56:57]: And a hockey mom eternally right through this show. Erica's black. All right, great episode. Great conversation. I always love these episodes because sometimes they go a little wonky and left and right, up, down, you know, forward, backwards. But it was a fun one. So that's gonna do it for this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Remember, if you have a question or topic you want us to discuss. And in my travels now, I'm meeting a lot of you, you come up to me and say, mike has this too. Christy, I love your show. We do. I would love for you to talk about this. Send those over to us. Email us team at our kids playhockey.com we will. We will even mention your name on the air if you want us to, or you can text us. Several of you have. There's a link accompanying the episode in this. In the show description. If you text that. I'm sorry, tap that. You can text us an idea as well. We love you guys so much. This. This audience just grows and grows and grows and grows, grows and reminding everybody out there you're not crazy. The hockey world's crazy for. For Christy Casiano Burns, Mike Benelli. I'm Lei. We'll see you on the next Our Kids Play Hockey. Everybody take care. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now. If you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kids playhockey.com also make sure to check out our children's book, when Hobby Hockey Stops at. When Hockey Stops dot com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our Kids Play Hockey. And we'll see you on the next episode.